I Finally Watched…Twilight

Growing up, it became exceedingly easy for everyone at school to hate on ‘Twilight’. Despite the fact most of its critics were teenagers who’d never seen the film, it became a punching bag for people to take their anger out on. This is probably why I never even considered watching them when they were out. Even as I got more and more into watching a variety of films, it still was never one that I ever considered putting on. Finally, after a sick girlfriend asked to show me it, I couldn’t really say no as I had given her my cold. Despite all the negativity, I went in wanting to enjoy it. I thought there’s no way it’s as bad as all the internet trolls make out. Turns out, it’s pretty unwatchable.

…the modern day music just doesn’t fit and feels jarring, like they’re trying extra hard to relate to its target audience.

Where to begin? There was so much I hated within the opening ten minutes. The colour scheme felt like someone picked an awful Instagram filter then turned the brightness all the way up. Yes, vampires are pale but there must have been a better way to highlight this. The next distraction was the awful, awful acting. Maybe it’s easier to judge this now we all know Kristen Stewart and Robert Patterson are incredible, but my god it is terrible. Nothing highlights this more than (and I don’t say this lightly) one of the worst scenes I’ve ever seen in my life; the moment Bela and Edward are talking for the first time in their science class. Cringe worth dialogue, a terrible decision to just get closer and closer to their faces with each sentence and, an issue that plagued the whole film, really odd music choice. Don’t get me wrong, I love, love, love Muse and Paramore’s songs for the series, but the modern day music just doesn’t fit and feels jarring, like they’re trying extra hard to relate to its target audience. The two most successful YA adaptations (‘Harry Potter’ and ‘The Hunger Games’) have original music throughout and the films are only better for it. Imagine how stupid it would’ve been to see Harry fighting the basilisk with Muse blaring in the background. It would be really distracting.

Edward isn’t doing cute things, in fact he’s actually quite weird and creepy at times, and Bela seems to fall for him with next to no trouble.

What follows this incredibly crappy meeting is one of the worst relationships I’ve seen for a long time. Edward isn’t doing cute things, in fact he’s actually quite weird and creepy at times, and Bela seems to fall for him with next to no trouble. She’s not freaked out at all by him following her or watching her sleep? I guess the fact he’s a vampire means she can look past this. But wait, he’s not really a typical vampire, oh no. I’m currently doing a Buffy binge so I feel I’m pretty up to date with vampire stuff, but the moment when you discovered sunlight makes these vampires sparkle, I wanted to throw the remote at the screen. I thought when people called them sparkly vampires they were mocking the series, not being dead serious. The way they also ran through the forest and their extremely high jumps could’ve worked but looked so stupid I laughed every time.

…to its credit, I did find the last half hour watchable.

I really had to power through and not turn the film off. I used the mindset of thinking it couldn’t possibly get any worse and, to its credit, I did find the last half hour watchable. The hunt was a lot more interesting than anything that came before and really should’ve been the main focus of the film. It was really annoying having the final act so rushed. I’m pretty sure Bela left the town, then ditched her protectors in the hotel, before heading back to her town in a matter of minutes. That was extremely frustrating as it was actually starting to make me invest in the film and before I knew it, it was over.

Now, I’ve already agreed with my girlfriend to give the second one a go. I really don’t think it can get any worse. And if the second film picks up the same tempo as the last half hour of the first, maybe I’ll even enjoy it. Open mind for every film and all that. I’m obviously happy for the millions of fans out there, I know what it’s like to belong to a fandom and I’d never belittle them for being so invested in it. But after all these years, I can finally judge ‘Twilight’ fairly: It’s shit.

Leave a Reply